Mom’s only talk about it when you make it safe to share: their sense of loss over their youth and beauty. I remember the first time I went out with my daughter and she garnered all the attention. It was a shift for me to realize the turnstile of life was pushing me away from all the things society values a woman for. It was not one of the most comfortable realizations. But it was truthful. In that truth I discovered something powerful. As I worried about “turning into my mother,” I knew I had to find out who I was! I wasn’t my mother, nor was I the young girl anymore. I was a mature woman who had spent the better part of her life pleasing other people. First, being (OK, well, trying to!) be a good daughter, then a dutiful wife and next a magnificent mother. But where was I in all of those roles?
When I metaphorically handed the baton of youth over to my daughter, I opened my hand and heart to the next baton in life: the authentic me! But, I had to ask the hard question, “Who am I?” Most woman who are in mid-life raising a teen daughter ask themselves the same question. It’s normal. It is a time of transition.
There are many paths you can take to discover your authentic self. Here’s one of my favorites. Buy a spiral bound notebook. On the front cover, write, I AM. Buy a red pen and a pencil. On the first page, use the PENCIL to write a fear or negative inner critic thought about yourself. Example: I am unattractive now that I have wrinkles
Leave four lines below blank then write in PENCIL another worry, or negative thought about yourself.
Keep doing that until you can’t think of anything more to write.
The next day, take the RED PEN and under each worry, write a positive solution, or a positive inner thought. Do that for each entry you have written. Example: under the wrinkle entry would be “My wrinkles are a sign I have lived a full life. I am attractive to people my age.” Write something after each negative entry.
Go back and read everything you have written.
Pick up the notebook and read it once a day for a week then ERASE all the pencil entries.
Now, pick up the notebook read all the RED positive things you have written! Read them every day at least a week. Let all the positives sink in. You are slowly starting to discover who you are under your fears and worries. The pencil entries are your fear, your pen entries are the real you. Our fears and worries aren’t who we are they are projections we create. Our real selves are in the deep corners, the hidden places in our hearts. Get to know those places to get to know your authentic self.
The worry that I was beginning to be “obsolete” and irrelevant as my daughter and her friends took over center stage in the world robbed me of being able to look deep within myself to know that I am strong, powerful and changing lives with my work. I have a powerful purpose, and you do too!
For more information on how you can transition into mid-life and find your authentic self as your teen daughter blossoms, please write to me about hosting a Dr. Jenn’s Mom’s Survival Night. You and your friends can learn, grow and grasp the power that is in you right now, in this very moment. It’s wonderful to meet the one person who can change your life: YOU!