Your daughter is out of control: frenetic, frenzied and furious. You are frustrated. What do you do?
Your ability to regulate your own brain while your daughter’s brain is locked in a “limbic frenzy,” is the key to parenting success. Your ability to lead and pace your daughter as she melts down, is vital for her to grow the right kinds of neural connections that equip her with more tools to avoid a limbic frenzy in the future.
The limbic system is the area of the brain responsible for the survival of the species. It constantly scans the environment looking for food, a genetically good mating partner, and danger. It is an area of the brain that reacts rather than “thinks clearly and logically.” Teens use this area of the brain as their main steering wheel for life as the area of their brain that makes logical, rational decisions is growing up. That growth will take your child well into their twenties.
As your teen reacts to life from their limbic system, it is vital that you remain steadfast in your perfrontal cortex. That is the area of ration, logical, life and love affirming of the brain. Granted, it isn’t always easy to remain cool and calm in the path of an overwhelmed, angry teen, but it is important to do so.
The more love and patience you can bestow upon your daughter, especially in the times when she seems to not be worthy of it, is the science behind good parenting skills.
When you reach out to your daughter withcalm, respect, logic and love, you help her regulate her frenzied brain. Your brain helps her brain calm down!
We tend to think of the brain as a singular unit. However, there is no “one” brain. There are only brains interacting with other brains, for better or for worse.
When you remain calm and loving in the face of your teen daughter’s furry, your brain reaches out and hugs her brain… more or less. Not only that, but your heart wraps its wings around her heart, and embraces her in a way she feels loved.
Out of control daughter? Be an in control, calm, LOVING mother.
Your daughter will one day thank you for it.